With no hockey, I dare to dream ...
Feb 10, 2005
I miss hockey. I don't understand how the two sides haven't locked themselves in a room and not come out until a deal is done. I figure after about 10 Chinese takeout orders, we are back playing. I know I'm dreaming, so why not keep going and bring back the sport the way I would really like to see it.
First of all, let's start with the game itself. It used to be teams had identity. The Canadiens were always swift and classy, the Flyers were tough guys, and the Blackhawks were cheap. All right, that last one still applies, but that's not the point. These days just about every team plays the game the same way. Get the puck to center ice and dump it in. Gone are the days of the length of the ice rush. I know Alex Kovalev still tries it, but it's dead. How did that happen? Defense and the evolution of a zone trap system that won a Stanley Cup. A system that could be copied and was. By everybody. My league has a rule where there is no defense like that allowed. The moment you try it the other team gets a penalty shot. Yeah, I like it. They get a penalty shot!
Remember the old division names? Patrick, Norris, Smythe, and Adams. They're back. I think we can handle it. If we can't, it's good to keep everybody a little off balance. Plus those divisions are in the Wales and Campbell Conferences. It's a cool connection to the sport's history. Oh, and the 'original six?' ... they are all in the same division, and they play each other a lot. That's right New York, Chicago, Boston, Montreal, Toronto, and Detroit. All together again. The rivalries are awesome, and we actually know all the players on the other teams! Montreal has something like 20 players who all sound French.
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I'm looking out at the rink right now, and as I look at the dasher boards, I actually see white. Just white and not a single advertisement. Those get put on the boards during stoppages of play using some hot new virtual technology. It's so much easier to see the puck, and the lost revenue is no biggie. I just got a few more givebacks from the players.
Not everything is different here. We still use four on four in overtime, but after that there is a five player shootout. No ties. Hate those. Now every time our fans come to a game, they see a winner and a loser. That's what is supposed to happen when a game is played. Remember? You play to win the game.
In our games we have games on television with commercials, but they are all only thirty second breaks. One commercial at a time with a heavily reduced urge to change the channel. You should see the ratings we have in our league. They are through the roof. We out-rate the NFL. Advertisers love us.
The whole penalty system is different when we play. Here when a player grabs another player the officials actually call a penalty! I know that sounds amazing, but it's true. The penalized player also serves out the entire penalty no matter how many goals are scored. That's the way it used to be and it's fun living in the past.
Listen, I could keep going, feeling like I was on a bit of a roll here. However, I must leave you because the game is about to start. Oh, that's right I forgot to tell you. They actually play games in this league. Hot dogs are only a buck!
